It's true.

Ducks hold meetings in the park. And these quacky meetings have remarkable similarities to business meetings (held in conference rooms, for example).

Here's what they do.

1) No one pays attention to anyone.

Every duck is looking in a different direction. Most don't even appear to be part of the meeting. And none of them are watching the duck who is quacking. But they are all there because ducks have to know about everything that is happening in the park.

2) Ducks deliver lengthy monologues.

Expect to hear: "Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack."

Sure, this may last only half a minute but that's a long time for a duck with an attention span of five seconds. It's useful, however, because during this monologue the other ducks forget what they were going to say. So they begin quacking about something else.

It sounds like:

"Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack."

"Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack."

"Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack. Quack."

Certainly, this is a pointless discussion.

3) More than one duck quacks at the same time.

Research on duck social dynamics has shown that this occurs because a) none of the ducks pay attention to the quacker, b) none of the ducks care about what the quacker is quacking, and c) none of the ducks have manners.

4) The meeting seems to lack organization.

This may take some careful study because of the similarities to meetings held by people. Nevertheless, it's true. The ducks started this meeting without a goal or an an agenda. As a result, ducks never know when a meeting has ended.

5) Ducks come and go throughout the meeting.

Since nothing is being accomplished, it doesn't matter when you arrive or leave. Some ducks simply walk through a meeting while offering a few thoughtful quacks.

6) No one seems to be in control.

Without a goal or an agenda, any duck can run the meeting. And they do. Sometimes the duck who started the meeting has left to attend another meeting. But the rest of the ducks remain, quacking away.

7) There are no minutes.

Here the ducks show unexpected wisdom. Since they accomplish nothing, there is no reason to write about it.

Second News Flash. People can hold more effective meetings than ducks. Visit my web site to find out how.

Steve Kaye

Steve Kaye helps leaders hold effective meetings. He is an Certified Professional Facilitator (with the International Association of Facilitators), author, and speaker.

Since 1992 his innovative workshops have informed and inspired people nationwide. Clients include Avery Dennison, IBM, and Unocal.

His workshop topics include:

* One Great Meeting - How to plan and conduct meetings that produce results others will support

* The Human Side of Communication - How to win trust, earn respect, and establish rapport

* Winning Words - How to design and deliver presentations that inspire and impress people

* Behavior Styles - How to get along with others

As a meeting facilitator, he helps people obtain results that they could not obtain by working on their own. Read about examples on his web site.

He is the author of:

* The Manager's Pocket Guide to Effective Meetings

* Meetings in an Hour or Less

* 117 Tips for Effective Meetings

With a Ph.D. in chemical engineering and 20 years of experience working for major corporations, Steve specializes in working with engineers, scientists, and high tech professionals.

Call 714-528-1300 or visit his web site for over 130 pages of information (including program details, client guides, FAQs, cartoons, and more).